


Two Experts are Better than One

by brodeurbunny30



Category: Jurassic Park - All Media Types
Genre: Banter, Christmas Dinner, Double Entendre, Gen, Ian Malcolm being smarmy, NYR 2018, New Year's Resolutions, Yuletide New Year's Resolutions Challenge, jeff goldblum effect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-28 07:19:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16236893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brodeurbunny30/pseuds/brodeurbunny30
Summary: While Alan and Ellie begin preparations for Christmas Dinner they are greeted by a special guest. Summoned by email by Dr. Sattler, Ian shows up to bring some news and a special project proposal.





	Two Experts are Better than One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [28ghosts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/28ghosts/gifts).



> Dear 28ghosts
> 
> Loved your prompt. Just pretend Ellie and Alan never broke up. So this is set vaguely after the events of Jurassic Park and everyone has moved on to new jobs and new directions but no one can really let go of what happened. Hope you enjoy the banter. Happy belated Yuletide.
> 
> Big thanks to idareu2beme who helped beta and gave me as much help as she go but the rest of the visible issues are my own

Alan grimaced as he ducked underneath a low hung row of Christmas cards strung up with twine and tacked to the corners of the small space. Every December they played the same frustrating game; for every decoration that Alan not-so-secretly dumped in the garbage, Ellie would put up two more as a replacement.

He still managed to bump one card and it fluttered to the floor. Alan reached down to pick it up and immediately rolled his eyes as he took in the image of an overly cartoonish dinosaur.

“Hadrosaur-If A Merry Little Christmas,” Alan read aloud with a disappointed shake of his head. “Who thinks of these things?” he muttered under his breath as he reached to set the card back up on Ellie’s string. 

“It’s from the American Paleontological Society, Alan.” She called from the other room.

He squinted as he futzed with the card on the string. Why Ellie even bothered with these things was beyond his comprehension. “Oh, you heard that?” he asked loudly.

She appeared from the other side of the short wall separating kitchen and living room wearing an old “Kiss the Cook” apron. He’d never share her love of all things kitsch, but appreciated what made her happy, mostly.

“You grumble pretty loudly, Alan. I think the neighbours heard you moaning your disapproval when you got that Thanksgiving bouquet of flowers from one of your producers.”

“Who in their right mind sends a man flowers?” he complained with a huff.

She slapped him playfully on the shoulder. “It’s the thought that counts, Alan. Can’t you just think and feel like a human once in a while?” 

Alan huffed again. 

“Besides, Alan, that amazing card that you hate is from our peers. They run a contest where school kids submit their best holiday dinosaur puns. I thought it was pretty cute.”

Then she smiled and it went straight to his heart. 

He was just about to lean in to give her a kiss when the doorbell rang.

“What the hell. Who could that be? It’s Christmas eve.”

Ellie used the interruption to rush back into the kitchen to tend to the meal she tried to put together every Christmas eve, an unfortunate turkey that usually ended up in the trash despite her best efforts.

The doorbell rang again.

“Alan, get the door already,” called Ellie. “Please? I’m cooking here.” He shook his head a bit knowing they’d probably end up ordering take out before the evening was up.

“This better be good.”

He squinted through the peephole but it had started to snow and the frost on the glass prevented him from making out the shadowy figure.

“At least it’s not a dinosaur that learned to use the doorbell. 

Wouldn’t put it past the raptors though,” he mumbled as he turned the door handle.

“ALAN!” Just as he had sarcastically predicted, a ghost of the past stood on his front step. Tall, dark and just as smarmy as he remembered. 

Doctor Ian Malcolm. On his doorstep, on Christmas eve.

“You old bastard, Merry Chanukkha or whatever! Come give an old friend a hug.” 

Alan who was frozen with surprise was wrapped in a tight tentacle like hug with no chance to protest. He attempted to extricate himself from Ian’s expensive cologne soaked leather clad limbs but the rangy man held on tighter. Alan felt rather than heard the rumbles of his voice as he rambled.

“Alan, Alan, Alan,” He gave Alan’s biceps a tight squeeze with both hands. “Have you been working out? Of course you have, I’m sure. You look fantastic. Retirement agrees with you.”

He smoothed the static from his short hair as he finally pried himself loose from Ian’s entirely too friendly greeting. He had felt a heat rise in his cheeks at the compliment.

"I'm not retired," he said with a raised chin and slight puffing of his chest. Something about Malcolm always got his hackles up.

Ian had the nerve to flash a shit eating grin. “Well, that’s what Ellie told me .”

Alan felt his eye twitch violently. “Ellie said what? How? When?” He felt the blood rush to his cheeks with shock and suspicion.

With impeccable timing, Ellie rushed from the kitchen and threw herself into Malcolm’s arms for a big hug.

“IAN! I’m so glad you got my email!” Malcolm then gripped her in a very close hug. Too close, really. This was ridiculous. 

“Ellie…” He whispered aggressively. Ellie ignored him and gave Ian another hug and then he was kissing her hand.

Internally he was screaming. What was the opposite of a Christmas miracle? A Christmas curse? 

“That’s...enough, Malcolm.” He took Ellie’s hand out of Ian’s overly friendly grasp. Ian had the nerve to mime being playfully offended. Honestly, this man lived in a different reality.

“Now, before you say anything Alan, I invited Ian. He was doing an appearance nearby and it made sense, and I thought you could use his help with that thing...”

He glared and clenched his jaw. “You didn’t.” His started shaking his head vehemently and waving a hand dramatically. “You did not, Ellie. I wasn’t ready to share with anyone.”

Ian jumped in. “Now, relax, Alan. I know about your book. The one you’re writing, and it’s a GREAT concept! Don’t worry, Ellie told me all about it. Coming from someone who has published many books, I know full well how difficult it is. Plus, I do have a unique perspective of the perilous events of our time in Jurassic Park.”

“There it is.” Alan huffed. “Look, Ian. We were both there, remember? Or were you too busy being dramatically injured with a pathetic flesh wound to remember me and Ellie risking our lives to fight off a T-Rex and restore power to the Park so that we could finally get a few rescue teams to drag our emotionally and physically damaged persons back to mainland..”

Ellie put a calming hand on Ian’s shoulder sensing his temper heating up. “Now, now Alan.” She stroked his bicep. 

“It’s just dinner. We’re all friends. Let’s just have dinner! We’re all adults, we’re all very intelligent adults who network to be successful in our respective fields, and you Doctor Grant, could benefit from some networking and creative input from a fellow author.”

“Critically acclaimed author.” Ian grinned and Alan grit his teeth. 

He squinted and sighed and slapped on a fake smile. “My apologies, Ian. Let’s have dinner, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a few questions for you anyway.” 

Ian laughed. “I love questions. The more personal the better, but in regards to your book, I’m here for you, my friend.”

“Right.” He agreed sarcastically.

***

Alan and Ian sat in awkward silence as Ellie wrapped up things in the kitchen. He had offered to help but she was adamant that they get a head start on reconnecting in hopes that Alan could get the generous support of Ian whose notoriety alone would help get Alan out of his slump. He had lacked any kind of purpose or motivation since leaving fieldwork and settling in with a very boring and very *safe* desk job. Being the worrier that she was, he supposed she had jumped at the opportunity to get Ian over to the house to shake things up, get his motivation and hunger back. . Ellie thought of those things. He hated to admit it, even only in his thoughts, that this grand plan of hers was actually a good idea. Ian was very well connected, he noticed while googling his name one or twice over the years. Besides, he really did dislike his current position at the film studio. 

Ian fiddled with a placemat while fixing Alan with a flashy grin.

“So I was under the impression that you were going to ask me some questions?”

Alan rubbed his jaw. “You can start by telling me why you wore a leather jacket to the jungle.”

“Alan! You’re such a funny cat. Some of us take fashion and their personal brand very seriously. Of course I had to wear the leather, it matched the jeans I was wearing. Now, what about a real question?”

“That *WAS* a real question. It was 110 degrees out.”

Ian laughed off his sarcasm. “See? Such a funny guy. You slay me, Alan”

Ellie picked that moment to swoop in with some freshly carved turkey on a plate and asked Alan to help her grab all the fixings. 

Once they were settled and tucking in, Ellie tried once more to start a civil conversation.

“I’m so so so glad you could make it. Once you told me you were going to be in town for a lecture I knew you had to come over.” 

Alan clenched his jaw, “Ah yes, a lecture from Ian Malcolm. Were you teaching college students how to align their chakras?”  
Ian laughed and shook his head playfully. “Oh my, Alan. You are a barrel of laughs. Chakras. Yes, actually my turquoise pendant does that quite effortlessly, because who doesn’t want to have their chakras aligned; good juju and all that. Wonderful stuff. Well, you know me. Never leave anything to chance.” He took that moment to sip from the glass of wine he poured from the expensive bottle he found of his and Ellie’s wine rack. They had been saving it too, Alan noted but Ellie had ignored.

“My lectures. Yes, right, well, I’ll try to speak plainly but I went back to bread and butter in the math department. You know, dynamical systems, feedback loops and fractals and the like. Real eye opening natural wonders there in the math world.” 

“Ah yes, fractals, a real riot.” Alan chimed in sarcastically and Ellie gave his leg a gentle kick under the table.

Ian remained unphased. “Enough about me. So, Doctor Sattler, how is Big Pharma treating you? How was the transition from Paleobotany to pharmaceutical research?”

Ellie lit up at the question. “It’s good! I mean, I kinda miss digs and the thrill of finding something that no one has ever seen before, but it isn’t bad. It still feels like a dream when I’m seeking out different species of flora that has been brought back to life in the modern era by intensive private research.” There was a heaviness implied with the words ‘private research, considering their history. The billionaires running ‘private research’ are the exact reason why he and Ellie still had nightmares and why he couldn’t look at a Jeep on the road and not have his eye twitch.

Malcolm grinned and nodded, obviously impressed with her career transition. “And you Doctor Grant? How is Paleontology treating you in a world where research doesn’t depend on Dinosaur grave digging anymore?”

Alan rolled his eyes. “Well, dinosaur grave digging, as you put it...is not heavily funded line of work anymore. I’ve had to make a lateral move into private research as well.”

“Sounds interesting! Phenomenal! Are you in tech, oil, or military?” Ian asked while dramatically coating his plate in gravy.

“Film, actually!” Ellie jumped in. “Alan does private research and consultation for Hollywood filmmakers. He’s doing raptor research for a dinosaur cartoon right now.”

Ian grinned. “Oh my god, Alan. A dinosaur cartoon! Amazing, reminds me of the Dino DNA animation Hammond hit us with. Sounds lucrative.”

“It pays the bills.” Alan hissed through his teeth and angrily stabbing at his mashed potatoes. He was quickly losing his appetite and regretting letting Ian into his house. 

“I bet it does. That’s wonderful! I bet that’s the reason for writing your book, I mean...you’re bored! You need a challenge. You need to walk away from what you’re good at and try something new and exciting, you know a real challenge!”

Alan clenched his jaw. “I have been published before.”

Ian laughed. “Do academic journals really count, Alan?” 

Alan pushed his mostly finished plate towards the center of the table.

“Here’s the thing, Alan. Let’s get you on Oprah’s book club list. That’s where the real sweet spot is. I would know, I’ve been on her list...two, maybe three times now? I don’t remember. My agent takes care of these details, but it was pretty wild to make the Best sellers shelf at Barnes and Noble at Christmas. I’m a sucker for all that fun holiday stuff.”

Alan grimaced, “Of course.”

“So you gotta understand how honored I was to get the call to come over for a fancy holiday dinner and work out the details of co-authoring your book on the events of Jurassic Park.”

Alan jaw dropped open. “Co-Authors? WHAT? Ellie? What did you tell Ian?” He was searching her eyes but she just shifted a bit in her seat, shrugging. “I didn’t really tell him much, Alan. I just thought you’d lost your fire. I thought you could use some help!” She took a sip from her wine, just as interested in what Ian was getting at as he was.

“Alan, Alan, it’s not like that. I mean, ya, that’s what I assumed was the reason for the invite, I mean, it’ll really help the book get into bigger markets, using such big name in the science community.”

“I AM A BIG NAME.” Alan rose in his chair aggressively.

Ian laughed and pleaded apologetically. “Yes, yes of course you are… I mostly meant a big, well-known author’s name. It’s like taking a short-cut to success, Alan. I’m only trying to help.”

Alan was turning red at this point. The nerve of this man. 

“Now, now Alan, relax. Plus, I mean, we have such chemistry.” Ian waggled his eyebrows at Alan and Ellie laughed as she enjoyed the conversation. She now seemed utterly smug at bringing two equally hot headed scientists together.

Alan huffed. “What? Chemistry?” 

“Yes, yes, chemistry,” said Ian, pushing out his lips and squinting just so as he grinned over at Alan. “There’s a uh harmony to it, that allure... for men of a uh certain... persuasion.” 

“Persuasion,” repeated Alan, feeling his face heat with what was either annoyance or embarrassment. He wasn’t sure which and was definitely in no hurry to find out. He didn’t want to think too heavily on what Ian, the ridiculous bastard, was going on about. If that idiot thought for one minute that Alan was any certain type of man… 

“Ah, Yes, a certain type of persuasion,” continued Ian, that stupid grin still hanging off his stupid face. “We’re intelligent leaders, Alan. We just, we just mesh. Chaos theory works in mysterious ways… or not so mysterious ways, if you read my book. Did you get the copy I sent?”

Ellie watched them with a cheeky grin, knowing full well that Alan had dumped it off at the thrift store not long after receiving it. “He LOVED it. Didn’t you, Alan?”

“I uh…”

Malcolm interjected before he could say anything too stupid or embarrassing. “No matter, Alan. You can woo me with praise later in the brainstorming process.”

“Now wait...I haven’t agreed to anything.”

Ellie shot him a glare. 

Ian stopped him with a flip of his wrist and a finger wag. “Before you say anything. Let me just say that I was so excited at the thought of working with you, that I approached both my agent and my publisher.”

Alan would be lying if he said he wasn’t interested in hearing what Ian’s publisher would say. Despite the egregious amounts of personal flaws in his character, Ian was *annoyingly* successful and Alan, despite his overwhelming personal and academic success, had an admittedly difficult time organizing a clear direction when it came to his book writing and getting it in the hands of an editor. He was loathe to admit it, but this masterminded meeting that Ellie had ambushed him with WAS helpful and well intended.

Ellie was so excited. “Isn’t that wonderful, Alan? See? He’s already helping. Think of the bonding time you’d have together. Think of the bonding time I would get! It’d be like having two partners around the house. I’ll be the first to say that I am modern and progressive enough to embrace such an arrangement.”

“You would wouldn’t you.” Alan noted with a raised eyebrow.  
“Oh, Doctor Sattler, you naughty girl. Love that. You’re so lucky, Alan. Actually, I’m lucky too. If there was any couple I could go to a couples’ massage with, it’s you two.” He winked and Ellie laughed and Alan continued to blush a deeper shade of crimson.

“Ian, please.”

“I’m just saying, I give a really good massage.” He giggled a bit, all too happy to be saucy.

“Duly noted, Doctor Malcolm.” Ellie laughed.

Alan set his jaw and ran a hand through his hair, exasperated with their shenanigans.

“We’re straying from the point here. So what did your publisher have to say?” He was trying to keep his tone even but some of the latent sarcasm dripped out.

Ian didn’t seem to notice. “Let’s just say she is incredibly excited. Although my books have covered the events on Isla Nublar from a broader scientific perspective, she says the market is hungry for a gritty hands on, gut wrenching approach from the resident Indiana Jones type.”

Alan hated that that made him smile. “So that’s me. The Indiana Jones type.”

“Well, you already have the hat.” Alan nodded, feeling himself slowly being wooed by this possibility. Ian knew he had hit pay dirt and continued.

“Just think, Alan, you ARE the perfect guy to bring that to the table. Imagine us, the brains and the muscle working together to break down the ultimate tell-all Jurassic Park story.”

Ellie caught Alan grinning at that proposal. “Wow, Alan. Was that a smile? Well, I think you did it Ian, Indiana Jones here seems interested.” She winked at Alan. “I think.”

He squinted at Ian across the table. “I might be.”

Ian laughed and poured himself some more wine. “She was so impressed with my confidence that I could get this project off the ground with her company, she gave me this to give to you.” He reached into his breast jacket pocket and pulled out an envelope, handing it over across the table.

Alan took it and gave the envelope a brief glance, there was nothing to indicate the contents inside.

“What is it?”  
“Just open it. I think you might want to wrap up your work on your Dino cartoon real soon. I think you’ll be a very busy man for the next year.”

His eyes scanned over the printed letter which included the name of the publisher, and a very large advance offer.

His jaw hung open with surprise and disbelief. “That’s a lot of zeros, Ian.”

Ian chuckled. “Yes, yes there is. I assured her two experts were better than one… also a LOT more expensive.”

Alan felt a pang of deja-vu, remembering how John Hammond had turned their lives upside down in that little trailer in the badlands all those years ago.

“So, you and me. Isla Nublar. Dinosaurs. The Book.”

“I mean, if you’re in Doctor Grant. I’m sure what you have started is perfect, we can just throw a dash of Chaos Theory in there, a little adrenaline and danger there. It would be great.”

“But I’m here...and you’re there… the lectures, my cartoon.” His voice drifted off thinking that his halfhearted dream of the last couple of years had a chance to bloom into fully realized success thanks to this leather clad dandy.

“Computers exist now, Alan. But I’d be open to have you come over to stay with me for a bit while we break everything down. I mean, I have a personal chef and a Jacuzzi.”

Ellie put down her wine. “I’m coming too.”

Ian grinned. “That was sincerely implied, of course. I assure you it’s a very big jacuzzi.” He winked and Ellie laughed.

“It’s just up to you Alan.”

Alan let out a long sigh. He didn’t necessarily like Ian, but he did like what he had offered and suggested. It wasn’t technically selling out if he took this deal, it was just taking a shortcut to where he wanted to be. Spending that much time with Ian couldn’t be that bad, especially if Ellie was there. The project seemed too good to turn down.

“I think, I think….” He kept counting the zeroes on the offer sheet. “I think I’ll get my bathing suit.”

They all laughed and Alan filled all their glasses so that they could toast to their new endeavor.


End file.
